Is the Search for Happiness an Illusion?

Do you suffer from FOMO - that ongoing pursuit of 'happiness'?
After recently visiting an exhibition on the 'anatomy of happiness', I recognised how easily we can find ourselves chasing happiness like a moving target.

Our pursuit of happiness can be tied to achievements, possessions, looking good, being financially successful, or any number of pleasurable experiences. It can feel great in the moment, and we can feel justified we are adding value and meaning to our life. But are we really?

It doesn't take long before the addiction of 'gaining the perfect body', 'upgrading our wardrobe', 'seeking the ultimate partner', 'getting that promotion', or locking in that 'dream vacation' grinds us into exhaustion and we are back to feeling 'blah' again. It can feel like a never-ending cycle of going nowhere, or worse - that the pursuit of happiness is all down hill from here!  So, is it actually possible?

The reality is that happiness is a state of being, not a constant destination.
It's fluid, ever-shifting with our circumstances, thoughts, hormones, and energy. One moment, we may feel uplifted after a walk in nature; the next, a single phone call or stressful email can send us spiralling. When happiness is linked solely to what’s going on outside of us - promotions, holidays, compliments, sunny weather, it becomes vulnerable, fragile, and fleeting.

Let’s take an example: imagine a woman who finally books the dream holiday she’s been saving up for. She’s ecstatic until her flight is delayed, it rains for most of the trip, and she catches a cold. The joyful anticipation fades, replaced by frustration and disappointment. If her happiness was dependent solely on that perfect holiday going to plan, what happens now?

This highlights a deeper truth, that lasting fulfilment doesn’t arise from a constant high. Rather, it’s found in how we live, the meaning we assign to our experiences, and how aligned our choices are with our values.  Seeking eternal happiness can be like chasing a rainbow - it looks beautiful, but it moves as we move.

However, when we shift focus towards living with intention, discovering our purpose, and cultivating inner calm, we create a more grounded form of wellbeing.

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This is where the concept of inner balance becomes essential. Inner balance allows us to navigate life’s highs and lows with greater ease. When we’re balanced, we’re not thrown off course by every emotional wave or life curveball. For instance, someone who values simplicity might choose to reduce their commitments, allowing more time for reflection, creativity, or rest - activities that nourish rather than deplete. This intentional living helps maintain a sense of contentment, even when happiness ebbs and flows.

Another powerful tool in this journey is gratitude. Studies have shown that practising gratitude regularly can increase overall life satisfaction and reduce symptoms of depression. A person who focuses on what’s meaningful, whether it’s family, learning, service, or creativity, tends to report higher levels of life fulfilment than someone constantly chasing temporary highs. This doesn’t mean we ignore the joys of life, but we root ourselves in something deeper.

It’s also worth acknowledging that seeking happiness can become addictive. Like a sugar rush, we might seek it through excessive shopping, eating, scrolling, or socialising, anything to get that next hit of dopamine. Yet these pursuits, when not grounded in meaning or moderation, can leave us feeling hollow, disconnected, or even anxious. A life designed purely for the pursuit of happiness can become exhausting, and at worst, a trap.

Instead, what if we shifted the question from "How can I be happy?" to "What gives my life meaning?" or "What do I want to contribute?" These questions lead us inward. They help us prioritise health, values, relationships, creativity, and service. They guide us to craft a life that feels rich and authentic, rather than one that simply looks good on the surface.

Ultimately, happiness, joy, and even excitement are beautiful states, but they’re visitors, not residents. When we nurture our well-being holistically - physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, we cultivate a steady flame of contentment. Not a burning firework that quickly fades, but a quiet warmth that sustains us through the seasons of life.

So perhaps the search for happiness isn't an illusion, rather it's the belief that happiness should be constant.

The deeper invitation is to live a life of meaning, purpose, and balance. From this place, happiness doesn’t need to be chased, it simply arrives, softly and often unexpectedly, as a natural expression of a life well-lived.

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Are you a woman who is struggling to find calm and balance in your life?
A life by design, that has meaning and lasting fulfilment is possible.
Ask me about The S.E.E. Program for Women to learn more.

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Rebecca Gabrielle
Your Spiritual Life Coach

Creator of The S.E.E. Program for Women
~ discover the simplicity of living true to yourself.

https://www.SageAwakenings.com.au